Gazing blankly into the ghostly sky with its morning star hidden right behind the thick, heavy clouds, I downed my cup of espresso. I tried to shut my thoughts and listen to the sounds around me. I sat still in my wooden chair trying to capture some form of hope for my trusty pen to thrust its wildest dreams on.
If I could, I would. Definitely. I would part this sheet of paper from the book, roll it up, and then put it in a bottle – and set it free. Well, what if I actually did?
My thoughts would have the freedom to linger off through the water surface, forever encased in its protective covering. Hopefully it would seek refuge from raging storms, and finally meet with amicable weather in the Atlantic, before sailing smoothly into the Indian Ocean. Perhaps, thousands of years later someone would be lucky enough to stumble upon it when it gets itself stuck in the soggy sand.
Parts of the lines are quite cheesy, and I do have to apologize, Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber, for borrowing the words in your lyrics to vent my dissatisfaction.
Thank you for calling me a bitch. Thank you for assumming that I am a slut. Thank you for piercing through my heart all your sharp arrows, of setting my soul to flames. Thank you for calling me stupid, and whatever other names you felt befitting. I have never once been that, and I shall show you that I mean it.
The players are going to play, play, play. The haters, on the other hand, they are just going to hate, hate, hate. What can I possibly do about that anyway. I sort of knew you were trouble when you walked in to my life, so maybe shame on me now? Hmmm. All too often I was just left in blank space, baby; because all boys only want love if it’s torture, if it’s pain, if it’s hurt, and if blood oozes out from their hearts. What do you really, really mean? You were, in the end, the reason for the teardrops on my guitar (well, ok; it was really your guitar, but I held it with my dainty fingers sometimes). Finally, your friends talked to my friends talked to your friends talked to me, and so we are never ever getting back together. Not like I actually cared even. I only have to shake it all off my head. Yeah. Loving you was so red, in fact forgetting you was like trying to know someone I never met.
Nevertheless, from the ashes rose a phoenix with wings so large they carried it away from the consuming fire. I started showing gratitude and showering my appreciation on people, sometimes even people I do not even know who helped me in doing something. I allowed myself to be as genuine as possible in dealing with the different kinds of people I have to meet everyday. These things cannot go wrong. As a result, I am proud of myself for having grown emotionally stronger and bolder than before. It could be that my feelings have been numbed from the constant hurt, but my chains have been broken, and my soul has been set free. I hope.
A few more months – just one more semester – I will be graduating!!!! (I do wish I could insert a love icon here.) I shall be done with my degree after a long, long time. I should be so excited right? Yes I am, but no, I am also not. Oh gosh, my mind is wandering to so many places! Life is an exciting venture, a beautiful journey bestowed upon Man. There is no other gift more amazing than the gift of life.
This year also I am chasing time to kick off my positive psychology start-up as well. While I am working on one SBU (strategic business unit, that is) now, I will directly after I graduate, start-up the other SBU. Currently I am looking for sponsors and venues for investors. It has been a crazy six months running about to widen social networks and contact suppliers, and so on, whilst studying final year. I still have not mentioned that I am also doing sales. Haha. Crazy times.
I have of course had my fair share of repeating heartbreaks, but yet I did all I could to keep pushing on and on. Whether it has got to be love, wealth, fame, or self-fulfillment, I wanted it to work out this year. I probably went a wee bit overboard, pushing myself dangerously over the edge. But I had already decided from early this year that I am not going to let things happen to me just like that. I am going to make things happen to me instead.
So I just want you to know: I am fiercely fighting for whatever that is meant to be mine – my degree, my start-up, and HIM!!!!!
Never say never. All I need to do is be patient. Perseverant. Positive!!!! The 3Ps!!! Oooh – how sweet.
Red Scarlet
The Lady in the Red Scarf 