Smokin’ Weed

Why must the person next to me pull his cigar out and start smoking?  Imagine the puffs of smoke flowing at your direction.  Now imagine the smoke running up your nostrils, down your windpipe, and through your tracheoles into your lungs.  Ah well.  You will get a blackened pair of organs in no time should you continue to breathe in the exhaust from somebody’s butt (ewe?).

There is the factor of coolness in the lighting of the cigarette, a coolness unbeknownst (I only use this word when I am writing!) to many.  The very elegance of the act invokes a feeling of self-efficacy.  Self-efficacy.  Hello! Did I just write self-efficacy?  Oh goodness.

What is it with the young people of the 21st century?  I wonder if it makes them look adult-ish with their rolled-up nicotine between their lips.  Yeah, and I heard that new tools have been invented to help smokers… smoke more!  There are the electric cigars and the shishas from Persia.  Well, does it matter where they were born?  They carry the same effect.

I have never put anything between my plush lips like that puffing out at people’s faces.  Not that I am proud of it.  It makes no more sense to slowly drag people’s body to the graves than that of yours.  Besides, there is so much more to live for than committing the act.  Even once.

So much more.  I cannot even count with my ten fingers.


Lighting the cigar.


Red Scarlet

On the Trip to Mahanata

I used to complain a lot to my boyfriend that life is topsy-turvy.  Oh well, it is, so.  You see, plenty of people have mistaken me for a Moslem and an Arabian, but I am not.  No one’s life is perfect.  Period.


I don’t blame them though.


Every chapter of life has its twists and turns, not to mention its ups and downs.  People will do all they can to stop you and culminate whatever visions of success you may harbor because of the negative feelings they have built against you, but ultimately it’s your choice.  You have the ability to construct a better path  for yourself and your future.


The roads you have taken have led things to be as it is now.  Some, especially at the very beginning, were not your own choice; Mother Nature let them be. You never chose to look like how you do now – you were born this way and that.  Therefore, accept yourself as who you are.  No one can take you away from yourself.  You will not let that happen, because if you do you would be falling into pieces.  And if you do fall into pieces, slowly but steadily pick them up and put them in place.  Steadily but surely let your internal self shine through whatever you do.  Not everyone may notice, but with perseverance your deeds shall be magnified.  Even if it is just a single person.


Be grateful for who you are.  Paths will teach you their complicated trials, and yet instead of sinking your internal self into repetitive denial, and permitting yourself to be baked hard in it, decide to take a firmer hold onto your grounds.


I have chosen to take a firmer hold onto my grounds.  I have completely accepted me for who I am.  Or rather, I should have said I am slowly exploring the boundaries of my life and accepting myself for who I am and can possibly be.


Recite these words like a mantra or just a simple utterance.  You need to grow mindful of your own efficacy.  Everyone was born efficacious in this world one way or other, the only way is to find the way.


Anyhow just in case you have no clue what mahanata is (which I am sure you do not have), it is Punjabi for greatness.  I am talking about awesome greatness here, not just plain greatness.  You may find me sick at times, but I am just me all along.  Only more accentuated than before.  Let’s go Mahanata!!!

Red Scarlet

A Story About Myself

I am Alicia Ai Leng, a senior with the Upper Iowa University, and well, yes, I am majoring in psychology.  Some of you may have met me before, some of you may not.  Whatever the circumstances, I wish to leave you with a lasting message.


Lots and lots of things have changed, the magnitude of which is unfathomable.  I nearly submerged myself to learned helplessness.  As a child I was always supressed by the man and woman who bore me.   Both would hit very dynamically at the smallest error I made, and they would hit at each other too when the time calls.  With all the remaining strength I had I returned, again and again, to the home that I lived ‘with’ for more than twenty years.  Each time I went, that courage that had emboldened me just moments before seeped off out of my soul.


My first myocardiac arrest surfaced only a few months ago.  That time, things seemed to be running way out of my hands.  I kept on trying to reconstruct the issues that were going on around me, including the social relationships I had, but regrettably I was not very successful. I was already in depression and I had suicidal thoughts back then, for a really long time.  Every time I was desperate, I would stash myself away into stagnant hopelessness and the whole cycle of negativity.


Oh well.  The past is the past, and it is my choice not to allow its shadows to creep over and engulf me into perceptual darkness again.  I have decided to brush it all off my coat and focus on the little things that make my day.


All these years that I have gone MIA, I have gathered all my swords into my frontyard.  Till today, I am still sharpening them, preparing them for the Battle of Life.People make resolutions every early of the year, in general.  I am making one right now with the relaunching of my blog.  I want to pronounce the message of hope into the lives of the living, the depressed, and the sick, and ultimately the ones who are searching for real happiness.

Red Scarlet