Dirty Little Secret

Shush. Don’t tell your mother.  Kiss one another.  Die for each other.

In the midst of the gooey mass of grey matter in the prefrontal lobe stands a huge army of Spartan soldiers with their spears sticking upwards in the air.  They are prepared to fight, prepared to conquer malaise, to combat for Truth.  For the mind is a wondrously dangerous place, and white lies are in constant battle with black lies and dirty little secrets.  With a tweak of a passage of signals, the entire perception alters somewhat drastically.  It gives birth to a thought, an idea, and though in its embryonic form, it still has the capability of enveloping the entire physique, covering the subtle pores of the skin with its vulnerable coat like myelineated sheaths of axons.  It hydrates the thirsty soul; it instigates a certain craving for – a little cocaine, maybe?  Fervently spreading throughout the entire breathing creature, it begins to speak aloud in the creature’s own voice.  But how weak the mind is!  Yet it is capable of intelligent choice.

Secret Garden. (Photo courtesy of Twitter)

Secret Garden. (Photo courtesy of Twitter)

A long time has past since I last published my work on WordPress.

It is a superficially busy time for me because, after this semester, I have only two more to go.  Then I shall finally graduate.  It is critically important that I do well during these last few months because I plan to sit for masters. Not only that I am working towards developing my own organizational objectives with a music business unit.  It is not easy to do this single-handedly, but I am fortunate to be able to work with other entrepreneurs as well.

It truly is one last stage for me to get by.  I admit it is tough because I am now handling everything by myself, from tuition fees to organization structure to this little powerful drug – writing – that I do every now and then.  I am consummated by exams and university projects and meeting new people.  Every now and then I am hurled into Dreamland, where I am trapped in an extremely tall tower waiting for my knight in his white horse to come around and save me of course.  At the very same moment, Time is graciously ticking away.

It definitely is fun to form mutual friendships with people and organizations, especially those who would be able to help out in the event that it is necessary.  As part of entrepreneurship all that stress that comes along with it – hopefully it ends successfully.  I want it to be a success of course!  It meaning everything.  Which encompasses education, my job, my friends, my family, my life – everything, god damn it.  All these are the work of a lifetime.  These are all my Paradise.

Don’t tell anyone.  It’s my dirty little secret.  Can you keep it?  Because I am fine with it.

Red Scarlet

P.S.:  I am quite happy being a woman.

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Laughter

Maybe I am a little insane.  This I confess.

I just got back to my burrow after a good jog at the nearby track.  It was slightly longer than usual; and here I am referring to the distance covered.

I increased the number of sit-ups and push-ups too.  As I headed out to the nearest 24-hour store, I started feeling a recurring pain in the cardiac muscle.  Oh no, I thought.  Not again.

The first incident came about more than a year ago.  It lasted for just a few minutes – but it hurt enough to claim storage in my mind’s capacity.  Enough to teach me plenty of values.  Of life.  Of the self.  Of the people around me – especially those I care for.

I drink at times, but I have never placed a lit cigarette in my mouth.  I am quite proud of the fact that, each time I hit the community pool, I complete ten full laps back and forth.  Non-stop.

What I have absorbed in my mind has taught me so much about life’s worth.  I have, as of date, already discovered the cause, and in the process revealed the conclusions altogether.  It is not that I wish to vye for fame.  I have simply accepted the dry facts.  Now I just intend to… prolong my lifespan a little bit, perhaps?

My quickest, and also easiest solution, of course, is laughing.  Laughter, after all, is the simplest and most unconventional method of healing.  Among all other forms available, laughing is such a natural remedy, especially for the pain in the heart.  I laugh at anything and everything, so much so friends and colleagues gave me a cute pet-name (that I shall not reveal!).

Yet I see this as a positive activity.  An array of happiness oxytoxins jetspray themselves into the bloodstream from the glands, every time that occurs.  They squirt out and rush off to the cheeks, giving them a soft, rosy glow.  It catalyzes the heartbeat by just a wink, and here even a wink helps.

There is, I presume, of no use, because the Chambers of Life beat so diligently… but no one hears.  And so, I churn out my music on the paper.

Laugh for all of heaven's sake. (Photo Credits to Alicia Ai Leng)

Laugh for all of heaven’s sake. (Photo Credits to                            Alicia Ai Leng)

Spill it out.  It is now very close to 3AM, and I have a class at 8.30AM later.  Let’s just laugh.

Red Scarlet

You’ll Never Know

There is something carefree about today’s rock music, something useful, energetic, which could push one off limits.  The catchy tunes invigorates the self and refreshes the spirit.  While you bang the drums and hit the beats… I hit the keyboards.  It is my DJ mixer. I play out the notes on that apparatus, letter by letter.  I definitely will make it through the night.

Yes, you want to accomplish something – so why not just do it.  It is much better that way, isn’t it? Rather than agonizing over the thoughts, feelings, and emotions of it, which have the high possibility of transforming a perfect human being into a suicidal psychotic, simply get into the habit of actually accomplishing it.

It is your own initiative, your own choice.  You yourself know the things you have done before, the situations that you have gone through, and you are able to decide.  I am anyhow a little drunk over my music and writing – I have had too much of it, and it shall not stop yet.

The least you can accomplish from your mission is a it of wisdom.  You’ll never know.

Even this monkey is contemplating on the future.  (Photo Credits to Alicia Ai Leng)

Even this monkey is contemplating on the future. (Photo Credits to Alicia Ai Leng)

Red Scarlet

The Blietzkrieg

Past midnight; really early, and it is a little more than a half-moon tonight.  A glass of chocolate caramel sits melting away patiently beside my books.

Thoughts scurry along the intricate wires of the charging station, awaiting their turn to be discharged to outside air.  Boxes of conciousness containing unspoken words swoosh along the neural tracks.

As I wade through the blurry pool of dreams, thoughts, fantasies, and feelings, and aims and goals, some left hanging unfinished, a few pleasant, and others with various degrees of disgust, my Chamber of Life pumps blood throughout my body. Upon my exit from the very first box, an array of bullets are directed towards me.

Photo Credits to Alicia Ai Leng.

Photo Credits to Alicia Ai Leng.

My shield.

I am fortunate to have it on for some form of protection, though it is still in steady, albeit gradual, growth.  At present, it is creeping upwards over my skin – one day it shall, with absolute certainty, envelope the whole of my physique and engulf me in the Flames of the Moment.

In the sepulchral silence where I now stand, the Chambers of Life thumping ever so diligently bringing full-Blood zest to the exercise of all my wont.  My heart is still with overflowing zeal, for the eagerness of exploration to as high up and as deep down shall experience some form of continuation in my journey through the earth.

That the body seeks success and the spirit satisfaction of wisdom I cannot deny.  It is through weather-beaten paths the march shall prevail till it reaches the summit of what-not, personal achievements.

The jet sitting in the center of the hall, with all the artillery arranged in rows beside it – that I shall board and take off to greater heights.

I have already switched on the engines.

Red Scarlet

Living a Goal-directed Life

George Bernard Shaw once claimed that he wanted to die all used up.  Do you notice there is a lot of goal-directed meaning in it.

Life with purpose is much more meaningful, much more satisfying to the individual.  Ah, the music I am listening to is quite distracting.  My thoughts are drowning themselves in the whirlpool of words and music.  But well, I might continue writing.

It is the fact that, if you do the necessary math, with all the petty calculations, you realize that there is not much time to be used.  Taking time into consideration, resources pop up in the picture.

Dying used up – when all of yourself has been invested in worthwhile matters.  This not only includes successes, but also failures.  The satisfaction that comes with knowing that you have at least attempted to do something; there is nothing more fulfilling than that.  Trust me.

For doing so brings wisdom, the know-how of paths which to take up along the way.  It puts your life to place, setting your focus on one direction: toward the way of success.

Everyone wants to achieve some kind of pinnacle in their lives.  They want so much to climb the tallest mountain, to cross the deepest seas, and to jump over the highest hurdle… they sometimes forget about what the gear they need to bring along to keep themselves through.

Well, ready your own gear.

Red Scarlet

A White Piece of Paper

Do not stop the music. The pen must write; the ink must flow. Tales of love, mystery, glory, patience, and zealous wrath must be expressed. And the dance floor – it must permit the waltz of the pen along the lines.

Where mysterious tinges of the heart are exhausted. Beats of the little life-filled casing land on notes high and low. As I groove along the walkway, the highway, over the curb, so my pen draws out patterns of messages onto a blank piece of paper.

Sketches of a more beautiful future etch themselves into the pores of dried pulp. Silent whispers of the great beautiful mind go with every little step on which the pen imprints itself. Dreams are left to unfold and expose themselves, albeit naked, for all to scrutinize. Pour out the pain, the dirty little secrets of the side no one ever knew of!!!

Red Scarlet

Subject of Dreams

The Subject of Dreams. (Photograph credits to Ashraf Saharudin.)

It is never a sin to carry the self away with the wind and go off to far-off places where you are able to construct castles of dreams.  It is never even wrong – no, not once! – to let the wanderlust soul wander along the passages of conciousness.

As the spirit descends deeper and deeper down, and enshrouds itself amongst the visions and fantasies long forgotten, but still existing, albeit, it passes by projections of thoughts, feelings, and emotions.   It crosses over mysterious lakes covered by mists, finally transcending in a dark cave that shields a wealthy treasure of the Past, Present, and Future.

Where actions and deeds unfathomable in reality are carried out at the freedom of the soul.  Where fruits abound abundantly upon surfacing to awaken-ness concepts innovative to pending – or rather, bugging – issues.

Thus permit the soul to escape from the calcium cage as it pleases.  Leave to explore… at its own will.

Burn Me Up in t…

Burn Me Up in the Fire

Caught in the Shadows
Burn me up in the Fire
Caught in the Darkness
Feel me down the Lair

Torch me now
Cleanse my soul
Let my ashes to
The ground sow

Lost in the Shadows
Burn me up in the Fire.