Burning Alive

The cotton pashmina that veiled the lady’s beautiful mind – it fluttered in the gentle wind as she glided gallantly down the ivory steps of the ruins of the fire-beaten Colossal pillars, her velvety dress sailing along.  Nothing was visible save her darkly distinguishable kohl hazel-brown eyes.  The light that shone through those piercing eyes burned everything she saw into flames.  But she did not seem afraid.

In a second little fairies appeared in the air; they flew around her, following her in a little camaraderie.  They tweeted cheerfully, with such childlike merriment and vigor.   She did not stop in her march.

Where did she come from?  Why was she heading to the fire with such passionate intent?


Listen… listen closely.  Feel… feel naturally.  Think… think carefully.  Life waltzes in its own majestic ways.  No one could ever imagine how journeys would end, drastically, or with a tinge of fantasy.  One may lose himself in the tangle of cobwebs, but yes, he will cut his way out and yes, he will find his way through.  Darkness may plunge the anguished soul into the depths of the abyss where gargantuan monsters lie, waiting to gulp down a good meal.  Gunshots may fell the body into pits of raging fire, melting the skin, eating away at the muscles.

But you know what?  He will make it through.  He will push his way up, regardless of how thick the gooey mess he is in.  He will emerge from the pain of having his growing body held captive in the seemingly shrunken cocoon.

Today is Malaysia Day, and I have been spending the early hours of the morning to contact a few psychologists for interviews as part of my university project.  I have also spent a huge amount of time talking to my business partners about the event I am planning to hold soon.

The searing pain in the head; let it go, let it go.  It is hard to forget the past so sweet and which told of a future that was meant to be.  It is all a learning process anyhow, although it is hard to accept.  If only time could turn back its hands and work in reverse.

But how is that even possible?

I made a vow when I left: That I am going to heal like the issue never existed in the first place.  I am going to swing on my chandelier from out of your grasp, back to where I belong.  I am very aware of my points of origin, and whatever else I am doing.  I have given my best, too.  It is only for you to take it or leave it.  Whatever it is, you are still a part of me.


Red Scarlet

The Blietzkrieg

Past midnight; really early, and it is a little more than a half-moon tonight.  A glass of chocolate caramel sits melting away patiently beside my books.

Thoughts scurry along the intricate wires of the charging station, awaiting their turn to be discharged to outside air.  Boxes of conciousness containing unspoken words swoosh along the neural tracks.

As I wade through the blurry pool of dreams, thoughts, fantasies, and feelings, and aims and goals, some left hanging unfinished, a few pleasant, and others with various degrees of disgust, my Chamber of Life pumps blood throughout my body. Upon my exit from the very first box, an array of bullets are directed towards me.

Photo Credits to Alicia Ai Leng.

Photo Credits to Alicia Ai Leng.

My shield.

I am fortunate to have it on for some form of protection, though it is still in steady, albeit gradual, growth.  At present, it is creeping upwards over my skin – one day it shall, with absolute certainty, envelope the whole of my physique and engulf me in the Flames of the Moment.

In the sepulchral silence where I now stand, the Chambers of Life thumping ever so diligently bringing full-Blood zest to the exercise of all my wont.  My heart is still with overflowing zeal, for the eagerness of exploration to as high up and as deep down shall experience some form of continuation in my journey through the earth.

That the body seeks success and the spirit satisfaction of wisdom I cannot deny.  It is through weather-beaten paths the march shall prevail till it reaches the summit of what-not, personal achievements.

The jet sitting in the center of the hall, with all the artillery arranged in rows beside it – that I shall board and take off to greater heights.

I have already switched on the engines.

Red Scarlet

Have You Set Your 2015 Resolution?

One of my 2015 resolutions is to stop using my Facebook like my Twitter, and to use my Twitter like how I am using my Facebook now.

The feeling is hovering in me right exactly where I am writing.  It is a surging feeling, almost as if I am high – though I am not.  The year is drawing to a close, and 2015 is already waving eagerly at me.

I used to shun resolutions.  I used to see and hear of my friends draw out their resolutions; and found them quite silly.  I used to even feel like resolutions resembled imaginary barriers to my personal self-improvement.  That, however, turned out to be the other way round, a thing of the past.

Setting a resolution is like setting a goal.  Perhaps, it might sound like a child’s wishful thinking, but no, it is not.  It takes an individual with a higher maturity level to actually freeze whatever that is being and has been done, and begin evaluating and solving some areas in life.  Similarly, it is taking a step backwards and telling yourself, “Hey, this can be improved; I just have to do something about it.”

It could be anything you do, and even nothing at all.  At times it is best to trash to the bin circumstances you cannot do much about, instead of hog at it all day.  Just allow your own mindfulness and self-awareness to seep directly into the very pores of your light.  Have the wisdom of taking different roads, and keep on track.

Making resolutions.  (Photo credits to Alicia Ai Leng)

Making resolutions. (Photo credits to Alicia Ai Leng)

Imagine the inner peace that comes along when you have set your direction.  You do not have to waste time making unnecessary turns.  You would not have to end up banging your head on the wall, however accidentally – or even make merry-go-rounds to get to what you want and need.  You go one straight line, simply because you know where you are headed.  It may be a fast trip down the road, or an incredibly long journey towards the core of the earth, but it is going to minimize a lot of unwanted situations.

And the sense of fulfilment and satisfaction, the Eureka moment, is a wonderful by-product of alleviated emotions.

Do recall to include #StayHappy and #KeepPositive into your list, anyway.

Red Scarlet

Confessions of a Drama Queen

Use your emotions wisely.

Utilize your emotions with a little bit of wisdom; that definitely would not hurt, would it.

No, no, I am not a superstar… at least not yet.  That I profess.  It is still a long road to travel.

As much as I am, I am not.  It is a matter of self-control, not entirely suppression.  It is a matter of selective demonstration.  In other words, mindfulness.

Being aware of what the self is up to – it really could be just about anything.  An enormous wave of silence is extremely helpful  in such periods of self-discovery.  Oh well, since I mentioned self-discovery, I view life as one endless Self-Discovery Channel, which one could switch back and forth to refresh the mind and hopefully gain some form of experience from it.

I know I laugh a little too much – a bit awkward – but that was only my release, you know.

I know I kind of cry too, at times; that was another way for me to release.  Just in case you have not noticed, but of course you have not.

Whatever I have done, it is only human that I did so.  It has been a hell lot of fun watching each chapter unfold on its own.  However, all of nature allows that even the strongest mind – and heart – will face a load of bricks hurling straight at his thoughts and smashing them and shattering them to a thousand pieces.  And all the poor soul must do, of course, is break down and pour out seemingly endless streams of tears from the corners of the eyelids.

Nature permits release of emotions in subtle ways; why else would there be several facial muscles, twitching all together at once, to put up that sweet smile on that pretty face, and thence light up the world around.

There also is Anger, and Pain, and Hurt, and Jealousy – but the mind shall choose as it pleases what it wishes to display.

Just a part of life.

Red Scarlet


Dance Like No One is Watching

All right – I shall admit it. This is what I do nearly every night. Everyday too, almost. My imagination finds me standing in the middle of nowhere (or somewhere, if you would like). It is definitely a barren land that bears no fruit and offspring, because in my longing for quietness and alone-ness, there is no one else.

It is the tipping point of the id, the breaking line between ego and the superego. Where the self is able to completely perceive the presence of every Tom, Dick, and Harry out there… but does not give a damn.

Dance like no one is watching. (Photo credits to Alicia Ai Leng)


Red Scarlet

What Did The Fox Say?

I shall tell you what the Fox said.

I am sitting on a public commute on my way back from work.  Headphones plugged in both ears; I have been enjoying the music playlist in my Nokia Lumia for a big portion of my trip already.

This was what the godforsaken Fox told me.  (Photo credits to Alicia Ai Leng)

This was what the godforsaken Fox told me. (Photo credits to Alicia Ai Leng)

Music composes a huge part of my life – no, not quite the way you suppose though.  Stress drains itself away in music … my music.  I have learnt to shake it all as well.  Not completely; however I am at the very least doing all I can within my power.  Not that it is hard, there is just a lot to shake! Music, like sponge, lets the past slowly soak up.

As I jot these precious words on my notepad, my head is rocking in tune to the music.  As, it is just one of the methods I utilize to sort of keep my mind in good shape, for want of a better word.  Only one of the gazillion ways.

The mind, in order to set thoughts in ink, is in dire need to indulge itself in precious quiet time.  The thoughts – no, the words whispering along the wires of neurons in the mass of gray matter – probably make a smooth birth out of the canal of stillness.

Such conceptualization of ideas procreate a concrete framework as the words connect and mature.

Let the dear heart maketh peace for the beautiful mind that the whispering words may frolick about and find their way amongst one another.  Let the emotions, however far off or deep they may be, seep through the intricate web of neural connections.  Oh, and let love and madness define themselves!  The soul may wander in the dreams to lands covered in mists, but it shall, as it always has, return to its Abode to bring full Life to the very hand that spells not, word by word, ever so diligently.

I am about to arrive at my stop now.  One flip of the coin , and my expression switches to a sulky queen unflattered by nonsensical subjects.

Why not.

What Did The Fox Say is ringing straight in my ears.

I presume I have already answered that godforsaken question.


It’s My Life

One of my favorite songs is It’s My Life by Bon Jovi.  It is an all-time ever since my youth  -well, aye, I admit I am still not too old.

It features a young man in his early 20’s dashing through busy roads and jams and leaping over walls just to meet up with his girlfriend who is at an underground concert.  Midway through his “adventure”, he halts quite abruptly at the side of the bridge and stoops to look down; the automobiles below are driving crazy, as if they were in an autobahn.  As swift as a cheetah, he leaps all the way down, landing on top of an extremely huge tanker. He was fortunate – or should I put it the other way, god was by his side – as he would be torn to pieces if the jump was unsuccessful.

Oh, how I wish my boyfriend really were like that.  Which is the beauty of fantasy.  But, hey, let’s not go there now.  We shall follow through the lyrics if you shall.

The lines were as below.

Live your life! (Photo credits to Alicia Ai Leng)

Live your life! (Photo credits to Alicia Ai Leng)

It’s my life

It’s now or never

I don’t live for ever

I just want to live when I’m alive

It’s my life.

Those very words are what I want you to focus on.  Instead of dwelling on the past, choose to concentrate on the present, the right here, and the right now.  Choose to live – yes, for other people – but more importantly, for yourself.

For a moment, take a pause.  For a moment, hesitate.  In a quick reflection that shutters off rapidly in a matter of seconds, dare yourself to scrutinize all the events from the very beginning with a clear-cut, unbiased perspective.

It is your life that you only live once and no more.  Opportunities do not knock at your door all the time; I mean it is not like you do not allow them to, but that just does not happen.  Seize every chance as a golden opportunity to learn, grow, and mature.  And more importantly, do not fear yourself.

Be wild.  Think wild.  Act wild.  Take the leap.  This… is your life.

Red Scarlet

Positive Quotes

I am a smart individual capable of channeling my thoughts and likewise my emotions, capable of choosing which I prefer to think, not listen to or hear.

For I am my very own Composer of Life; the thoughts that play around and dramatize themselves in my mind construct the music that I hear every second that I breathe.

You, as a perfectly functioning individual, are able to channel your thoughts.  Do not allow yourself to be at the mercy of your emotions instead. (Photo credits to Alicia Ai Leng)

You, as a perfectly functioning individual, are able to channel your thoughts. Do not allow yourself to be at the mercy of your emotions instead. (Photo credits to Alicia Ai Leng)

Thinking Positive

Me with my fav lecturer Ms Uma Devi who is no longer with us.  She has proved herself as a role model to her students, especially ones like me.  I am so thankful for her.

Me with my fav lecturer Ms Uma Devi who is no longer with us. She has proved herself as a role model to her students, especially ones like me. I am so thankful for her.

Having been much of a thinker for most part of my life – I have been thinking ever since I existed, and I am still thinking just so you know, and not only as a thinker, but also as an experimenter – I have arrived at the conclusion.  This one conclusion shall be the slogan for the reconstruction of the self.  It shall be the ideology upon which my life is based.

My entire days in the past was based on what had occurred in the past.  I was brilliant enough to adopt a theory about the formation of one’s unique personality, but stupid enough to attach myself to the wrong one.  Yeah, I am beautiful; that is because I look 99.9% like my dad, what with the deep-set almond eyes and full lips.  Yeah, I am smart; because Germans are the most intelligent creatures standing (yet high-flying!) and my great-grandmother happens to be German.

It got the better of me though.  Strains in the parental relationships made me a scapegoat for whatever I was doing.  I got hurt, and then my friends and colleagues and bosses got hurt also, and then finally I got hurt again.  Gah!  I practically began bashing my head up to bring back my own senses.  However, the whole cycle of negativity seemed to be revolving itself on me, because I was trying to predict the outcomes of my actions!  Do you spot the humongous head-egg (sic) that is growing out of the blue?

All because of the psychoanalytic theory.  Come on, psychoanalysis is so old-school.  It is the theory introduced by Sigmund Freud – and boy, aren’t his words and thoughts bewilderingly interesting!  It is the technique used for certain people during their visits to the psychologist – but I am not a patient!

Yet I am.  Because of that, I have decided to to close the horrid book on my own psychoanlaysis, skip through several chapters, and land, safely I hope, on the one about positive psychology, the school brought about by Dr Martin Seligman.

It is extremely simple.  Smile.  Think happy.  Be happy.  Act happy.  And stay happy.

Word of Caution: I sort of experiment with people; yeah, that is what I do.  Not for the fun of it, but rather to study their reactions.

Red Scarlet